He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
