Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
