i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And then he peed in my hair
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