i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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