Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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