Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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