im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
