Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
