I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
