I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
