I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
