Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
