first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
