Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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