So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
