i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
