Jerry, you need to find god
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
