So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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