I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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