Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
