You're a womanizer and a bitch.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
