rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
