Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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