i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
