Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
