Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
