New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
