So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
