omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
