I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
