I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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