I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
