there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
they need to just BURY HIM!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
