Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
