Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
