Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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