He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
