WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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