remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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