"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
