it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
