im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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