Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
