then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
