Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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