i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
