Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
