Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
