Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
