Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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