We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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