3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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