If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
